Launch: Delayed

I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve gotten ready to stream — everything set up, overlays ready, Streamdeck programmed — and stopped right at the last second. I hover over “Start Stream”… and I freeze.

It’s not because I haven’t streamed before. I have. I’ve tested it on a different account, worked through the bugs, tweaked the settings. It’s stable now. It works.

But this? This is different.

Maybe it’s fear. Fear of being seen. Fear of what people will think. Fear that I’ll pour myself into something that just disappears into the void.

I know I shouldn’t let that stop me. I’m almost 40, and yet that fear — that old familiar fear of failing publicly — still shows up like clockwork. But I’m working on it. Every day I try to push just a little further.

The truth is, I’m not standing still. I’ve streamed at least once each of the past few days. I’ve fixed the technical issues that were holding me back.

I’m moving forward. The launch is delayed — but it’s coming.

The goal? To stream Elite Dangerous as a sci-fi narrative where I’m learning Thai — turning each mission into part of a language-learning journey. It’s weird. It’s new. That alone feels worth trying for.