Test Initiated…

I started!

Last night I took the leap toward something I have wanted and worked toward for years: streaming while teaching myself Thai. It was not perfect, but it was a start.

Recorded it all.

Posted it to Youtube unedited. No captions. That is a problem for another day.

Made a TikTok and posted it.

And was surprised.

It did well. Best one yet. For this journey, I only have five posts but still. Almost 500 views at time of writing but…

But, that damn voice is back. In the back of my mind whispering, ‘No one cares.’

It reminds of scene - standing in a cornfield, listening for something no one else believes is there. That whisper. That doubt.

I’ve had this idea for a long time. Figured it out, got all sorts of things for it and have been fighting that stupid voice since.

Last night was fun! After I was done, after I got over that initial nervousness of speaking on Twitch, I felt fine. I remembered more of the controls. I forgot that when I last played, because I was crashing so much; I purchased an auto-landing feature (why is auto-park only on the luxury vehicles? Rude.) and it kept me from crashing.

I had a good time. But now. Now I’m back to why bother?

How do you silence the doubt? Do you?

The problem for me is that as I’ve gotten older, I have lost confidence. I don’t think I can fight the world and succeed. I know I can’t. I can’t even fight it to a draw.

And I hate that.

But this is just the beginning. Beginnings are hard, difficult. No one starts at the top of Mount Everest. I’ll keep pushing, even if no one is there.

ทำได้!